I am heartless

2005-03-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

cozy bay - situated behind singapore indoor stadium, kallang waterfront and kallang river. Sat, went with kris at ard 9pm. A quiet place to be at. Ordered some food and breezer to go with. And enjoyed the night breeze and sceneries. Can't really bear to leave. Wld like to visit there again. hehe. Today, slept the whole day. So tired. Long wkends juz flew pass like tat. Starting work tmr. =(

2005-03-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

Didn't attend lesson today. Need to stay back in office to rush the reports. This is the first time I work for so long. stayed 12 hrs in the office. Incredible. Normally I wld hate OT most. Don't know why this time round I am so on. There's no other special things for me to focus on. I guess wld just have to put my focus on work and study. FOr the sake of $$, haiz.. now i pray for more OTs lol. Skipped dinner, dun feel like eating. I think i like to self-torture myself. No feelings anyway, dun feel any pain or sadness. Someone pls poke me with a needle.

2005-03-12T15:21:00.000+08:00

Oh yea.. its weekends again!!! hahaha... went to meet selinah aft work for pasta mania yum yum... and of cos not forgetting our heineken woohooo~~~~drink until stomach bloated *burp* ooppss.. excuse me. Then walked around CWP.. and went to meet kris aft tat. wah liaw.. kenna scolded by her for being late... -.-"" went to marina mandarin hotel! yeah.. i'm back again! hahaha.... the philippines are still there.. good good.. ordered passion delight.. yummy so nice.. we sat there and chatted the night away, ordered some food and enjoying our drinks and music... NICE!!! sat till 12midnight, ah... got to go... took a cab home. Enjoyed myself but.... pocket got a hole again =(

2005-03-02T14:51:00.000+08:00

Another day at work in the office. Its raining now. Feeling super + extremely coooooold. LOL. I had my jacket on, still can't feel a bit of warmness. I shld bought a heater here i guess or set up a campfire hahaha. Freezing and falling asleep in front of the pc, oh my god.. its only 3pm! 3 more hrs to go ! I juz hope that i don't freezze into an ice cube by the end of the day =P ALright, back to work dude.

2005-02-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

erm... had a colorful wkend. Fri night, went to mox aft work, atmosphere not bad, but i don't like the people there. I like the J sisters! They sing very well!!! Coool... I think the only interesting part abt that place is the J sisters singing. Stayed till 2am like that, they sang finished the last song, yanzi's tong lei. I was totally engrossed inside the song. The other song that I like is their english song, fly me to the moon. So soothing.. How I wish i can hear them sing everyday. Then spent the night at kris's place. Aiyo... I didn't really catch any sleep at all at her house. Her hooue got mosquitos! I struggled my night with the mosquitos... arrgghhh.... then dun know why already 3am - 5am liao lo, every min got traffic one...... so damn noisy! Where does those cars came from? Got noise pollution, then mosquitos, then her house wall clock sound every half an hr. WIN LIAO. Really no need to sleep. Didn't really sleep at all.
Sat night, went to marina mandarin hotel, to listen to music performance. The philippines musicians were coooool. 1 woman playing piano, 1 man playing cello and his son playing violin, the man's brother playing flute. They played all kinds of songs, very nice. Atmosphere there is not bad too. My friends and I ordered sg sling, and sat there thruout the night.
Today, nothing special, juz went to meet jetco they all, and evening went to meet liwen for dinner. haiz... so fast wkend juz pass by like that.

2005-01-21T11:08:00.000+08:00

Had fun yest. went clubbing with friends. Saw many pretty gers =P~~~ There's one ger sitting in front of our table kept on turning her head towards me. I not sure is she looking at me? [blush] But she left without a word. =( I think I was knock out when going home time, hahhaa... very "sey". Stayed overnight at my friend's hse and came back in the morning.

2005-01-15T01:53:00.000+08:00

Half year already.... I have been working there for half year liao... erm.... very fast.. and today PM told me tat they are moving back to JE within two weeks time... omg.... I can't bear the sg river leh... and the place... alright.. its time for me to leave. no choice...... haiz.... jia lak.. new environment ... new ppl... wat to do.... :(

Met up with grace juz now.. so loooonnnggg never see her liao... she is still so funny.. lol.... then . waited for tat kris for 1 hr... omg... she can fall asleep in the mrt... and overshot the stn... haha... met for dinner and play pool.. =]

2005-01-07T11:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes love just ain't enough
I am feeling down and lonely again, wat can i do? Everybody's busy with their work or activities or gfs. Arrrggghhhhhhh..... feeling hopelessly vexed.how i wish i cld screeeeeeeam right now in the office. Can my colleague juz fuck off? Likes to keep on disturbing me when i'm working... complain this complain tat... wat the hell... I also got things to complain de la.. not only u ok... i already not in good mood... then every morning came to work got to listen to her complains.. i m not her customer service officer la.. dun complain to me. I can't do anything.Heard from my brother tat its gonna be world revenge day from now till year 2024. Tsunami is one of it already... there's more to come, its' not over yet... no wonder everyone's feeling so stuck up. It gonna be people against people, people against animals, and people against the natural. WORLD REVENGE DAY. woohooo... let me have my revenge first to all those stuck up people out there. ASS HOLES!

2005-01-05T01:14:00.000+08:00

MEt mummy for dinner at malan noodles... yummy :P their prawn noodle is still so delicious as ever hehehe.... then ordered 4 other side dishes.. hehehe... it was a birthday treat by her.. ya yes.. birthday.. my birthday again... seems like my birthday lasted for a month huh... lol... no la... today is my lunar birthday.... older generations care more abt lunar birthday lo... so celebrating my lunar birthday today... not bad got free treats :P
Then went OG shop shop.... bought 2 clothings.. then came back... *yawnzzz* zzzzzZZZZ

2005-01-02T21:54:00.000+08:00

rainy+gloomy+cloudy+bad day. Stupid weather spoilt my date.. got myself bruises all over my arm ... shit... ...=(

tmr start sch liao.. very fast.. alrightz... got to go meet mr chow now... zzzZZZZzzz

2005-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

New year eve, half day work, meet up with carol and her friends to play pool.. then went to meet wendy to have dinner and play... pool again! lol..... so can i say that today is a pool day?? =P 2004 has ended... really hope that 2005 will be a good year... and things will recover up soon for the Tsunami waves... going to help out this sun for them.. really breaking my heart into thousand pieces as the figure of death kept on increasing... life is so full of uncertainty u can't be sure wat's gonna happen to u next... so enjoy every little moments, treasure every feelings.. friends... its precious for time dun goes back.. Happy Blessed New Year Everyone =)

2004-12-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

A good xmas day. Went ktv with YR yeah.... sing for 4 hrs. shiok man.... its so much fun to go with YR.. the songs were like making me so numb... bcos no matter how many sad songs i sing, its still making me sad... and can't change anything. so i anyhow choose songs to sing. Then, went to play arcade. woohoo... miss my DDR!!!! Finally get to play today... it was such a long time since i stepped on the stage liao.. stepped until legs want to break liao.. YR also... but the feeling was damn satisfying. Evening time meet my mum and brother for dinner. Then i bought a new phone!! hahaha.... think for so long then decided to buy the sony ericsson k500i. Wanted to buy T630 at first, there's no stock at northpt, but there is in BP plaza, played ard with it find it not very user-friendly.... so bought this instead... Hehe...today is a very happy day for me =D

2004-12-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

merry xmas~~~yeah.. half day work for me today... then aft work went to meet carol and her friends.. hahaha.... always win her during the pool game, hey, the last game i let u win one ok... ooppss... sorry not supposed to be arrogant here... hehe... not happy right.. feel free to challenge me again!! LOL... then eat sushi and rotted at mac... anyway thanx carol for your present =) it smells nice...

Suddenly realised the importance of having friends. ... and also realised tat my friends ard me treated me very nice... i felt so blessed..... chongqing is right, love is not everything.. i still got my friends and family and work and study.... haizz.... but cannot blame me also mah... I am already 23 leh.... never get into a date before.. any ordinary person will definitely hope to have someone to love and be loved right. ya lo.... i try to be happier lo....juz hope tat dreams will come true one day for me. If not.... then like tat lo.........

2004-12-23T10:23:00.000+08:00

Feeling stuck up at work.... haiz.... being sandwiched between two women.... woman A complaining abt woman B to me, woman B complaining abt woman A to me... arrgghhh..... my head gonna explode liao... i dun wan to bother abt their business leh.. woman A is damn talkative... every little thing she also can complain... wah liaw.... then woman B is damn kapo and very blunt in her words, always hurt ppl unintentionally...but woman A is very petty one.. she will rem watever woman B says even thot woman B didn't do it on purpose....and woman B every little thing she also must know... -.-"" =vomit blood= Althot I am unhappy with woman B, bcos she sometimes say some rude words unintentionally to me, but ok la.... I treat her as colleague, I try not to take it to heart. But she dun know her own problem, yest. woman A say something rude unintentionally too to woman B , woman B was pissed off... I mean she always say bad abt ppl she herself dun know.. then ppl say her once only, she make a big damn fussed over it.. i mean woman A has been tolerating all her nonsense too, but woman B dun know. And she thinks that she is right, ok shld say, both parties think that they are in the right, so they are having cold war now... omg.... then... i .... being the most innocent cute naive one.... (hey u! dun puke =P) got to be the medium between them... sheesh..... woman A ask me to eat lunch with woman B, then woman B ask me to eat lunch with woman A... wat the.......... =[ arrgghhh... dun wanna care abt them la... I shall juz keep quiet.. let them fight among themselves... =X But of cos, everyone got their own weaknesses, woman B is not so bad, she got her good points also la.. she is more attentive towards other ppl's speech.. while woman A juz likes to talk abt her own stuffs never give us a chance to talk ..... then for me, ok. the innocent cute naive one... will act innocent cute naive most of the time and blur! LOL. -_-"

Then, my supervisor juz spent one day doing the research and he found the exact solution!!! OMG. feeling so lousy + discouraged + low morale + sux . I mean I spent 1 month + trying to solve the problem, and then just he juz spent one day he did it already... all my efforts wasted and not of use.... =..( haizzz...... looks like i gonna be out of job soon man... lol.... i can imagine him coming to me and say" ok, i think u may leave now, u r not of use anymore" =@ oohhh nooooo....... shit....... bad bad bad...... its a bad beginning for me....

2004-12-22T11:44:00.000+08:00

I fell in love with the wrong person again. How many wrong persons must I met before I can get to find the right one? Only He knows the answer. Everything is back to square one. I am stoned again.

Happens to hear 933 now, DJ chongqing was saying that love is not everything, dun feel lonely even if u dun have that special someone by your side right now, there's many other things for us to rely on. If u can't find tat someone, dun feel too upset abt it. If u found tat someone, treat it as a bonus gift. But I guess I can never get that bonus gift. =

2004-12-20T01:46:00.000+08:00

Spent my day with jess, went to watch movie and walk walk and then had dinner.. thanx alot jess, for acc me today, and treating me to movie and dinner. Really happy =) Sorry if I bored u or didn't talk much, as this is our first date, I was shy and nervous =^__^= pls forgive me..
Rem I told u that I will get shy in front of pretty gers? LOL.... anyway thanx once again, hope to meet up with u again soon ;)

2004-12-19T01:57:00.000+08:00

suddenly felt so blessed to have my friends remembering my birthday.. hehe.. i think its enough.... I must be contented already coz its impossible for me to ask for more. Thot that I wld just spend the day over quietly... ended up getting treats from my friends and colleagues.. and most importantly the one i like... *blush* so happy hehe... well, today is the actual day for my birthday, y i sound as if my birthday lasted for a few days lol.... thank you friends.. for the treats and presents, really really appreciated it alotz. =)

Really hope that it wld be a brand new year for me and my wish is to see everyone staying healthy and happy. Happy birthday to myself!! =D

2004-12-18T13:49:00.000+08:00

I am so angry man.... the letter sent by FF was kenna sabotage by some idiot guy... dun know who the hell is it.. the letter was torn opened.. lucky thing is nothing was lost... then why he/she so bo liao go and tear open??? This is not the first time man.. last time my malaysia friend sent me a keychain in the envelop was kenna torn opened also.. then the keychain was gone... complained to the post office... they like treat it as nothing happened like tat.. wat the ..... fxxx..... feeling so insecure of the postmans nowadays.. haizz..... juz my luck...

2004-12-15T15:29:00.000+08:00

I like the weather now. Its a sunny afternoon and I am in the office. When the sun shines on the sg river, the water seems to give out little sparkles, like the sparkling stars in the sky, its beautiful. I enjoy standing by the window and look down at the river, watching the "sparkling stars", and it cheers me up everytime. I like to imagine myself sitting by the river with my gf together watching the "stars" and the boats passing by, that is the best thing that I could ever wish for. How I wish my dreams will come true. But it never will.

2004-12-12T01:41:00.000+08:00

I am not happy at all. I think I should resign to my fate. Pls dun scold me for being depressed again. I dun wish to be like tat. I just can't help it. I have been thinking wat is the meaning of life. I dun know.... maybe its not for me to know.

2004-12-11T14:30:00.000+08:00

By chance, watched a tv program on channel newsasia juz now.. its on a story abt a cobbler. This guy was at lost wat he shld do aft his ns, changed job here and there.... don't know wat he wants in life.. then one day, his mother told him something that changed his life. "Why not you go learn some skills from your father better than loafting ard at home?" He was touched by his mother's words. Therefore, he decided to help out at his father's stall, whom his father is a cobbler. At first, he felt quite distant from his father, and didn't really help much. Sometimes, he felt inferior too coz he thinks tat people will look down on him as a cobbler. Luckily, he have the support of his good friends and family. Gradually, he found wat he wanted in life, and took up the job of a cobbler. From then, he changed his perspective abt life.
I was touched by his story. As if seeing myself in him, but i am still at a lost, good for him that he has found wat he wanted in life. I am still struggling with wat i want.............

2004-12-11T01:36:00.000+08:00

yeah... went out with my cg leader today... went to eat marche and shopped ard suntec city. The most unforgetable part was when she bought a cheeze cake for me to celebrate my birthday. wow.... i was so touched at tat moment, its the thot tat counts, althot is juz a small cheeze cake, as long as its from her, i m very happy already. Haha, she sang the birthday song to me, i nearly melted on the spot lol... chatted the whole night away... how i wish this night will never ends. Watever it is, i understand clearly tat she only treated me as her friend. I can only hide in 1 corner wishing her well. Hope she will be happy and her bf treats her well. Then i will be happy =)

2004-12-09T01:38:00.000+08:00

erm... happy things... yest. lo.. wendy and peh celebrated birthday for me in advance =)
haha went for dinner treated by them, then play pool and have a drink. Was fun and enjoyable but somehow dun know why feel tat something's missing somewhere. Nvm.... was really thotful of them to celebrate for me. Thankiess =D
Looking forward to this fri, coz meeting my cg leader! haha, she msg me yest. aftnoon to meet her this fri =)) aiya.. actually nothing to be so excited abt.. she is att already.. haiz... I can only hide in a corner wishing her well..

suddenly got something to say to you. Carol, I know u r reading this. Just want to let you know that althot our fate has seems to end here, I do really cherish our "moments" together, and I really liked you before, wishfully on my part hope that we can be at least good friends. Too bad, looks like we are never meant to be together. We continued to lead our own lives no matter what has happened before. So, be happy, that's my wish for you. Always in my thots~

2004-12-05T23:31:00.000+08:00

Got a shock when i saw my friend's dog! She took her dog for shaving and her dog look so bald now! omg.... guess he still couldn't get used to his new look.... seems very uneasy most of the time lol.. he is cute in his own ways hehe.. went to my friend's hse to study.. didn't notice the time was getting late.. so took a cab back home. On my way home, the road seems so quiet. As if the whole world left only me, myself and I on the road. How i wish the journey never ends.
I give up. I give up on the people. I don't wish to bother anymore. I don't wish to see, hear or know any of their business. Leave me alone.

There won't be any happy endings. This is not fairy tales.

2004-12-04T01:38:00.000+08:00

A lot of things to say. But don't know who can I talk to and how to say it out.

Are You being fair to me? Is it that I can't fall in love? Why are You loving everyone except me? I don't believe in You anymore.

I want to change. Its no BIG deal, I can live on without u.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the brigde downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

2004-12-01T10:13:00.000+08:00

On my way to work, saw a doggie.. barking at a cat. The cat was so coooool... dun even give a damn with it, the doggie was so bo liao... kept on barking at the cat when its owner kept pulling it away.. it still struggled to move. The owner really got to PULL it away LOL. Whereas the cat juz relaxed and lie there enjoying its sun-tanning. The cat muz be thinking tat the dog is crazy -.-"" *meow* My colleague likes to tease at me saying tat i like to look at the cats, dogs, birds very much. Yes la.... I like animals wat... but not every1 of them. How i wish i can keep pets at home... hehe... but my mum says that if i really keep a pet.. she will pity the pet... bcos i will surely torture it... wat the.................... =[

2004-11-30T22:35:00.000+08:00

I am bored.
I am dumb.
I am numb.
I am lonely.
I am ugly.
I am sickening.
I am sad.
I am crying.
I am crazy.
I am falling apart.
I am heartless.
I got nothing else to blog but to write nonsense.

2004-11-26T11:45:00.000+08:00

Dun know why... I felt so hurt. Its juz a comment....but i seem to take it to heart. Is it true? She says that I'm not outstanding enough.. and dun have glib tongue. I think so too.... juz that i never realise it myself... but these words said out from her.... really hurts me i juz dun know why. No wonder.... no wonder... carol refuse to meet me no matter how many times i have tried dating her out. Other online friends not known for long can juz ask her out easily... whereas i have known her for 1 years time.. i never ever gone out with her before. Carol.... u didn't realise that u r hurting me also do you? Juz that i refuse to say it out. No matter what i do, no matter wat i say, its all not enough... never ever enough. Simply bcos i m NOT OUTSTANDING enough ! You dun see any point in meeting such an ugly person.. do you? I am crying.... as well as angry.
This is ME. I m NOT OUTSTANDING ... SO? Take it or leave it. I won't change anything for anyone. If you can't accept the way i am, juz get the hell away. F***

If you love me, pls stay. If you don't, pls get lost.

2004-11-25T11:25:00.000+08:00

I believe that everyone has sense of telepathy with another person. Will she sense that I needed her right now?

2004-11-24T10:46:00.000+08:00

erm...... wat shall i say? suddenly very lost for words.... these few days realised some things. I know alot of ppl... they are my friends... I considered them to be my friends i mean... but out of these "friends", I can't find any one of them who is really true and can understand me. or is it that I dun understand them? I dun know... i really really wonder wat am i doing here.... as if an alien from mars being place on earth. Juz bcos of one wrong step, I couldn't turn back anymore. Never knew that understanding is so important to me now. All i need now is understanding.

If there's someone who can understand, one is enough.

2004-11-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

sIck again. x( wat the..... haiz.... this time is *cough cough cough* Being forced to go see doctor lol.... slAck again at work... anyway being there for nearly 5 mths already.. all of them left one by one.. i'm the only survival there! hahaha.. i think this job is quite good but too bad its not perm job.

aiyo... y got so many gers wear white vest recently... dun copy my MS leh... making me so paraniod thinking tat its her. lol. Another wkend... guess shld be spending it at home resting... no date also.

2004-11-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

Mon already... so fast.....anyway went out with kris to study at BK. Then walked ard and catched a movie at LIdo [The Forgotten]. Really feel very pai seh.... as i juz cut my hair few days ago, I look even more like a guy. I wanted to go to the toilet in BK, a gal walked in front of me going also. She didn't notice me at first and she went into the toilet, I followed right behind in. Then as she was abt to close the cubicle door, she saw me walking into the toilet and she stoned there @_@ LOLx. I ignored her and went to the 2nd cubicle and closed the door. Then erm.... I dun think she got do her business lo bcos I heard her washing her hand and went out immediately aft i closed the door. T_T ooohhhhh.... so pai seh.... i scared her off..... =(

Walking among the crowds along orchard, mixed feelings. The feeling of being lonely is worst in the crowds compared to being alone. I am devastated. But what can I do? There's nothing I can do abt it. All I can do is to sit here and see the time drained away each day.

2004-11-13T15:18:00.000+08:00

Its a cloudy weather as i was blogging nw. I kind of like this kind of weather too. Imagine sitting with someone u like in a cafe or smething having a nice cup of tea and watch the drizzling rain. We could juz chat the whole afternoon away. Erm.... but can't seem to find tat someone =(

I can't find her.... I'm getting despo. I starting to wonder did that day ever happened before, or is it juz another fancy dream of mine? where are you?

Maroon 5
"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

2004-11-12T01:15:00.000+08:00

Its Holiday today! LOLx not bad la.. slept till 11+ then wake up watch tv... slack slack abit then go to my friend's chalet. Not very enjoyable wor.... mostly couples there.... then i go there like very EXTRA... SIANZ! tmr fri got work =(

When is my turn to get att.. dude? I don't really want to stay single forever leh..... but as i read the blog below... i know that there's nothing I can do and nothing I shld do. Seems like love doesn't want to choose me. >_<

I may look like a flirt, likes to see pretty gers everytime. But my heart is always with the one I really love. I will love her wholeheartedly if she is willing to love me too.

MS: I am missing you, where are you? There's nothing I can do, except to wait. Wait for the day where love finally decided to choose me and I will get to see you again.

2004-11-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

The Mysterious thing called "LOVE"....

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

2004-11-07T22:59:00.000+08:00

Is it a coincidental weekend? Saw one friend which i dun wish to see on fri. Then, saw one guy friend which i dun wish to see also on sat. THEN, met two friends at bus interchange today. NOT finish yet, saw one sec sch friend juz now on my way home. ........................................
WHY the person that i wan to see most never appear, the people that i dun wish to see kept on appearing in front of me. -.-" And VERY coincidental somemore, shld i say we are very FATED or wat. [cold laughz]

I am gonna move out! I am gonna get out of this house, not home. ITs not a home to me, more like juz four walls. Had enough of you.

2004-11-06T13:16:00.000+08:00

Home is a tiring place to me. Rather spent my time at work or outside. Conflicts have occurred between us more and more each day. Maybe its time for me to move out. How i wish I am financially independent now. I don't understand why I have to face this way, with nothing.

I am losing myself.
I have fallen apart.
Don't come and find me.
You won't be able to.
For I have went to a faraway place.
To find myself.

2004-10-31T23:00:00.000+08:00

another rainy and stormy day........ haiz... wanted to go out but scared become drenched chicken again. Got umbrella no use one when the rain is too big. Might as well stayed at home ba. Wow.. spent my two weekends at home this week. =[ wat happen to me man... dun feel like going to work tmr as well..

2004-10-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

Can't believe it. Only eaten less than half bowl of rice for dinner juz nw. No appetite. =( I don't know why.

I am not lonely, missing you is.

2004-10-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

Who can fill this emptiness of mine?
Who is willing to walk with me side by side regardless of rain or shine?
Who can make me smile when i'm tired?
Who can hold my hands no matter what happens?
Who will cry with me when i cry?
Who is willing to accompany me when i am sick?
Who will enjoy strolling with me by the seaside?
Who will be able to understand my thoughts?
Who will be interested in whatever I do?
Who can give me encouragement to carry on?
Who....................................

In search of you.

2004-10-26T10:16:00.000+08:00

*sneeze sneeze* =cough cough= arrrggghhhhhh ............. in the office struggling now.... feel like going home later... x_x no mood to work also... help help.. ='(

2004-10-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

*Dying* really couldn't make it to work today.. like a walking zombie the whole day.. =(
And my mind was being occupied the whole day.
I was wondering am i really gonna remain like this for the rest of my life?? F*** the damn destiny of mine.
I think when one's sick, the mind can really hu si luan xiang. Like now, i also dun know wat am i blogging now.. drowsy aft eaten medicine. Sleeping time for me! zzzzZZZZ

2004-10-24T22:43:00.000+08:00

*sneeze sneeze* ....................... arrggghhh..... caught a cold today, got drenched by the heavy rain yest. *sob sob* abit feverish .... hope i can make it to work tmr man.... zzzzZZZZZ

2004-10-23T14:36:00.000+08:00

I'm not myself today. My heart is at MS. Thot of going at 1st, but got so easy one meh? The more u wan to see that person, the more u won't get to see. The person u don't wish to see most will always appear in front of you. And things will always happen in an unexpected way that u have never thot of. Therefore, I don't wish to purposely go and find her. Let fate decide. If we were meant to meet, i guess no matter where i am, i will get to see her. But then, Fate this thing, is always not on my side. ...................................................................

2004-10-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

Its already thurs. A week has juz flew by.. having heart cramps today.. feeling terrible.. boarded the idiot bus with the idiot bus driver who kept on jerking the bus which makes me even wans to vomit. Finally got some sleep when the bus went on highway... haiz.....

I'm not sure is it her? I purposely stand beside her waiting for traffic light. When the green man on, I walked past her. I pretend don't know her. She shld have noticed me as we took the same bus. The feeling is gone. I m hating her~~ I don't wan to know or hear or see anything about her. I can pretend I never known her before. GEt out of my life.

Home sux. [Under mental torture] Haha [cold laughz]
Somebody once said that "Our destiny is in our own hands." I don't agree to that. Many times many things are out of our control. Its not what we want it to be, it will be. [another cold laughz]

2004-10-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

Daydream Daydream Daydream Daydreamt the whole day.
Can't believe that this kind of thing could happen in real life.. and on me.

2004-10-17T15:56:00.000+08:00

suddenly feel like MIA-ing dun accept calls dun see anyone juz hide myself somewhere in this world. Went to walk ard and take pics.. not bad feeling.. i think i prefer this way.. too tired to bother abt how ppl feel and everything.

Regretted!!! Regretted going to MS yesterday..dun ask me why.. juz very regretted! I would have been alright if i never went.. =(

2004-10-13T22:08:00.001+08:00

All my efforts have gone down the drain... no matter how hard i try... its useless. I am beginning to accept the cruel reality. All the dudes out there! I have had enough of you! I shall not bother anymore.

Is it wrong to care for someone?
I think it is.
One cannot be too soft-hearted or
too caring or
having too high expectations.
No matter how hard you try,
You might not get anything in the end.
Trust me.

2004-10-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

Had Yoshinoya for dinner... yum yum delicious.... bought the combo meals.. they having promotions now....ate till so full.... *burp* excuse me hehe... went to my friend's hse to see her doggy!! Very fast man... her doggy was only so small when i went to buy with her tat time.. now has grown up... the dog's breed is schnauzer.. when he was a puppy.. so cute! Now has grown up to be .... erm... handsome? LOL He seems to recognise me.... haha... first step into my friend's hse.. he came jumping up on me LOLX kind of too friendly tho.... -___-" if not my friend say he will bark at her other friends de.. he seems to be well behaved in front of me hehe..

2004-10-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

blood boiling now! Met a BITCH today.... ok i admit it was my fault to have accidentally stepped on her foot. THEN? she dun have to say it out so loud ba until the whole bus people can hear... "WAH! YOU STEPPED INTO MY FOOT AH!" F.U ah! As if i nothing better to do to go and step on her foot la.. when she yelled, the whole bus was like looking towards my direction... shit... i quickly said sorry a few times... seems like she was not happy with my sorry... NVM.... hack care i quickly alighted the bus.. damn it.. i dun wan to take tat no. anymore in case get to see tat bitch again.. i think the whole bus recognise me already la.. wah liaw.. arrggghh....... wat a day.....

2004-10-09T09:39:00.000+08:00

Exam is finally over!!!!! hahaha.... never thot that this exam could cause me so much stresssss.... haiz... who ask me dun revise regularly... last min then gan cheong... LOL.....
Wed paper sux! sianz.... dun know can make it anot... haiz... but yest's paper was good! at least easier than wed de la... =P

Aft exam, went to meet my friends hahaha!! To celebrate exam over of cos.. went to a pub to drink.. i prefer quiet pubs as in not those playing loud music (clubbing) kind... there got people singing some songs.. then we juz sat there and drink and listen and play cards =] very cosy kind of feeling.. anyway got drunk yest. nite.. hahaha.... think i msg rubbish to my friends =*P luckily got my friend drove me home hehe... first thing tat i reached home lie flat on the bed u_u zzzZZZZ in the end awaken at 4am this morning =S then cannot get to slp liao.. head very painful .... arrgghhh...... dun like the hangover feeling...

Anyway suddenly abit lost... exam over liao.. no need to go school anymore.. dun know wat to do aft work.. everyday work home home work again i guess. =

2004-10-05T01:11:00.000+08:00

erm... i bullied a pigeon today hahahaha..... i was on my way back from lunch today... then one pigeon blocked my way... i thot she will like walk to the other direction or smething... as i came closer and closer to her... guess wat she did?? as she saw me coming... she walked backwards instead... like kenna scared by me... hahaha... as i approached closer even more.. she finally knew wat to do.. change direction! LOL

hey! I am missing you... yes YOU! The one carrying BAMBOOS and with 2 cats at home .. stop looking ard... its you!!! wat happen to you?? Y didn't u reply my msg-es? Tag / msg/ email / ask the pigeon to deliver the msg to me if you see this ok? I got so much things to tell u... pls reply me! Miss ya alotz =(

2004-10-03T17:30:00.000+08:00

study study study........ argghhhh...... no mood to study despite exam is juz this coming wed =(
can't seem to get a single word into my brain... hohoho

2004-10-03T01:26:00.000+08:00

My dear throw trumpet yesterday.. haha... i'm refering to my mp3 player. She's my companion and best friend at all times k... whenever i'm down... i will listen to my songs.. and she will comfort me.. i will talk to "her" also.. she won't refuse to listen to me. so she's better than any human beings on earth. am i right? Anyway, my "dear" got some problem yest.... make me so sad... thot tat i'm gonna lose her... therfore today went to creative care centre and got her treated. haha... the staff transferred sun yan zi's songs to my player! wahahaa.. tat's my fav singer man...
Then took a bus to clementi and enjoyed my sun yan zi songs on the bus...i enjoyed this journey most.. cos not much ppl on the bus.. and i enjoyed watching the sceneries.
Changed a bus to go school. Planned to study for exams in the lib... in the end haiz... not enough time didn't study much... coz meeting my friend for korean class.
Met her for dinner 1st.. then went with another 2 more friends. The class was not bad.. interesting.. and difficult =

2004-10-01T13:35:00.000+08:00

I finally know
I finally understand
I finally seen how ugly this world is
And how "true" people are around me
I kept telling myself nevermind
Let them be
Because I am not important at all
I am just a stranger living in this world without destinations

Nobody will understand how I really feel right now
Nobody is really true to me
I have losthope
I have given up
And I am hurt
I am tired
I am living in memories
Who will come and save me?

2004-09-26T03:04:00.000+08:00

had fun today man... went with my brother to sing ktv... then go orchard see see look look.. took alot of photos along the way... she is good at it man.... haha... actually shld enjoy myself fully.. but juz dun know why got somethings still cannot put down like tat... haiz... dun know lah... my life is like a shit... and i dun know how to control it.. its out of control!!! hahaha

2004-09-23T01:15:00.000+08:00

went chinese garden today with YR aft work, to see lanterns..... maybe bcos kind of tired.. didn't really enjoy myself.. half seeing half sleeping... lol... weekdays also got so many ppl.. haizz... too used to go with FF liao... this yr FF in sydney so went with YR instead to take pics for her to see.. feelings not the same... didn't enjoy myself also maybe bcos i miss FF. -eyes closing- in dreamy mode now... zzzzZZZZZZZ

2004-09-20T01:28:00.000+08:00

saw something terrible and scarry today.. as i was on my way to meet my friend.. i was inside the mrt when heard some commotions at the platform, it was 2 couples quarrelling very fiercely.. then the girl slapped the guy, the guy slapped her back.. wah liaw.... scarry man... everyone in the train was looking at them.. at tat time i was thinking.. its not easy for two persons to know each other and get together.. wat is the BIG problem tat they have to end up this way? Can't they talk things out nicely? Y muz they get together in the 1st place since they hate each other? haiz... sianz.... this is wat love is all about.... so tiring and likes to hurt ppl so much .. then y muz love exist in the 1st place? I dun know man... got scared by today's scene.. think i better stay single LOLx.

2004-09-19T01:54:00.000+08:00

was a good day.. ... went out with my close friend to see see walk walk.. then met up with another friend to go drinking.. haha.. erm... this is the first time i met up with her.. quite a nice person i muz say.. at least we clicked! yeah... coz some ppl really dun know how to talk to them one lo... different frequencies lah.. haha..

2004-09-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

Asthma relapsed today, then i thot of wat if i wld to die now? then i going to die with alot of regrets bcos.. still got so many things undone.. so many dreams not yet fulfilled.. wat wld happen to my mother if i die? Haiz.. but then think of it.. life is so fragile.. u never know wat wld happen the next minute. Maybe i shld start cherishing the ppl ard me juz in case i suddenly..... *touch wood* LOL... the bottom line i think shld be live life each day to its fullest. Trying hard to.... =]

2004-09-13T23:41:00.000+08:00

That I would be good... I don't understand y such person will exist in this world.. she is not human ! She is more scary than ghosts or devils. I find that human is the most scariest of all creatures.

2004-09-10T23:13:00.000+08:00

Dun know why very sleepy recently... now typing my blog with my eyes half closed -__- this week feels like a very stupid week to me. Weekend is here again, sianz.. i rather weekends dun come.. coz nothing to do and nowhere to go.. and nobody is free! well.. as usual... fri nites staying at home if no lessons.. this week break again.. feeling sianz instead.. i prefer going to sch. Wanted to watch garfield leh.. seems like nobody is interested.. erm.. ok lah ok lah doesn't matter.. at most watch it myself loh.. maybe tmr.. since i'm so free =

As for emtionally, guess feeling numb liao.. I WANTED TO! At least i won't have feelings, won't feel sad or anything.. I want to be numb to everything. tat's the best way out! Guess nothing or nobody in this world can touch me once again for now.

What is love? Only can be found in my dreamzzzz.....

2004-09-06T03:52:00.000+08:00

haha.. guess wat... I shld be sleeping now... as i got to wake up at 630am later.... but then... awaken by a nightmare =\ ppl there... stop laughing......... -___-" can't get to slp anymore =[
argh.... really gonna be panda liao... @_*

2004-09-04T01:24:00.000+08:00

gathered up my courage to give her a bouquet of lily.. then? what? dun know..... leave it to fate ba.... i m very sick and tired of everything....
I know that I am not worthy of her.. she deserves someone better than me... its good also.. that she don't wan to choose me.. as long as she got her own happiness.. i shld be happy too....

Shall go to the beach alone tmr.. to think abt wat shld i do with my own life...

This song is for you if you read this:
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Everytime hear this song reminds me of you....

2004-09-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Nothing.. nothing but pain.

2004-08-30T23:07:00.000+08:00

Got alot of things to say b4 i came online and blog. Now.. feeling speechless.. guess i shldn't let too many people know my blog.. as its too depressing i know... can't help it.. bcos I am! How do pretend I am not??!! ...................

I m into total depressed mode... nothing can make me happy at the moment.. or forever? I dun know... I was born to be suffered in this world..Suffered from an unhappy childhood.. thot that when i grown up i will be happier.. i m wrong! there's more to come! But still won't lead to suicide dun worry.. bcos i know... my problem is only like a pea.. there's still so many many people suffering out there... more unfortunate than me... I shld feel fortunate already..

From the way i look at my state right now... i knew this year's christmas or birthday.. i'm gonna celebrate with myself again .. or dun celebrate at all.. I still got to sing Eason chan's Sheng Dan Jie this yr again.. "Merry merry Christmas~~ Lonely lonely Christmas~~~.... " oopsss too early liao... lantern festival haven't come yet -____-""

Ha.. Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday to myself in advance =

2004-08-29T16:47:00.000+08:00

I am already 23! I hate it!! I don't want knowledge, I don't want fame, all I wanted was a heart. A heart that will console and understand me. For this heart will give sympathy, and from sympathy results to love. Yes. All I needed is LOVE!

If only there's a girl who will understand my pain, I would willingly die for her.
If only there's a lady, regardless of pretty or ugly, who will love me whole heartedly, I would willingly die for her too.
All I wanted for is LOVE!!!

God, oh God, I don't want knowledge, nor fame, money is useless to me as well. If only You will grant me "Eve" from the Garden of Eden, let her body and soul be completely mine, I am very grateful towards You.

For I am like Adam, without one of his ribs, I can only be complete if only You will bring back my missing rib.

Translated from Chinese Essay, "Fallen into Depravity", 9 May 1921.

2004-08-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

Tired... tired of liking people ... tired of everything..... tired of myself.... saw my dream tat day aft lunch.. a guy was eating with her gf at a posh restaurant.. aft which he foot the bill.... it has always been my dream to bring my gf to posh restaurants and eat.. .better still to own a car and drive her around.. yeah... haiz but look at me now.... no $$$ no gf..... like a shit getting to nowhere.. forget it... i m TIRED! I dun wan to like anyone.. its too tiring.. I guess love is not for me... it never will.....

2004-08-20T12:08:00.000+08:00

arrgghh... i'm so bored... emotion very unstable the last few days.. =(
So empty.. helpless.. there's nothing i can do abt it haha.. suxzzzzzz!!!!!!
Haiz.... people out there....... hellooooo????? wat's wrong with u! And wat's wrong with me??? Everything seems to be wrong... everything aims to drive me to the dead end...!

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

2004-08-09T01:33:00.000+08:00

I think the whole sg is out today.... it was so damn CROWDED at city hall today! where u go only can see people cannot see other things... regretted going out... hard to find food also.. fast foods and food court were all packed with people... =S But... not too bad lah.. get to see the fireworks at esplanade.. it was the first time in my life i get to see fireworks so mountain turtle hor....needless to say... esplanade and sg river there were also packed with people... got to make a "little" effort to squeeeeeeeze in.... and there was a concert organized by 933 i think... got kone.. toro.. wang xin ling.. and every young girl's idol 5566! but that doesn't include me hor.. 1stly i not young liao.. 2ndly .. i dun really like them.. my friend's friend went to see.. me not interested.. so juz rotted with the rest by the river.. feeling was good lah... a little pity that why it is not my gf (as if i have) there with me? haiz...

Long weekend is not long at all... feel that time flies too fast... so fast mon already... haiz.... didn't really quite enjoy myself yet =P

2004-08-08T00:36:00.000+08:00

Trying to finish up my assignment in school today.. still cannot finish!! haixzzz... all those people out there.. pls dun look down on my coz k.. who says that it is easy.. i having great difficulties now !

She asked me out today =D hehe.. she's really hoping to see me go back again.. erm.. dun know leh... its not possible anymore.. but one thing she said really touches my heart. She said that it really touches her heart that time when i approached her.. well.. it touches mine too! My tears were rolling in my eyes.. can see that its the same for her too. I can't love anyone.. I m fated to be a loner.

2004-08-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

Numb~~~ Immune~~~Feelingless~~~~watever u called it.. juz getting more n more disappointed with the world each day.. especially the people out there... totally suxxxx!!! hahaha..... well... i dun give a damn abt it OK? That's your business to be like this, that's your business to treat me this way...its not my fault.. i dun have to feel angry ... nah i'm not angry at all~~neither am i sad =[

Time flies, flowers withered, world changed, people aged, and WHO will LOVE me? The ans is NO ONE.

2004-07-31T22:26:00.000+08:00

True love is so hard to find, when u thot that u have found it, time snatches her away from u and u r in a lost and u fall for someone else but true love can only be 1....

2004-07-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

FIR ROCKS!!!! I was at the FIR 's autograph session today at west mall.. its really totally different from listening to cd and listening live!! The feeling was so great at tat moment listening to them singing LIVE. Ah Qing was so coooool.... The place was full packed with ppl haha... the ppl stopped the escalators at all floors so tat they can stand there and watch, bcoz there's juz too many ppl no place to stand! Definitely won't lose to 5566 or f4 loh.. hehe.. Fly Away~ Nothing i will be afraid~

2004-07-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

dun really know wat's wrong with me.. a friend invited me to her chalet today.. but then decided not to go bcos .. i know her mother and sister dun like me de.. dun wan to go and see their suxky face... secondly. i dun know most of her friends.. go there sure become a vase =find that i can't cope with this kind of situation anymore.. i prefer to go out with 1 or 2 friends at most. i dun know how to socialise in large groups haha...anti-social?

Anyway went to fly kite with YR.. but then stupid weather it was.. drizzling here and there.. and can't seem to get our kite up! arrrggghhhh.... juz as we were struggling, a police came and chased us away.. haha coz got ndp rehersal they scared our kite shoot the planes down =P
Such a wet blanket.. haizz.... headed for steamboat there instead..=]

2004-07-21T01:51:00.000+08:00

oh my god... fall in love with JJ's new song 2nd heaven....it juz rockxxxx!!!! Was rather fed upwith one of the irc friend.. she doesn't realise herself got problem man... say me not willing to share and bad attitude... y not she go and reflect herself 1st? Everytime i was talking abt something she likes to interrupt me by saying other things,.. so rude!!! wah lau... how to share?? u never give me a chance to share!! I find her really very rude loh.. likes to hang up ppl's call and say bye so rudely. Calling her will be my last thing to do.. enough of her attitude man... sianxxx.... irc ppl totally SUX.

2004-07-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

MEt up with my sec sch classmate baofen today.. wah... abit surprised to see that she is gettting thinner and thinner.. she was already quite slim during sch days.. now she has become more thin. erm... well... i used to like her during sec sch days.. we were classmates since sec 2,.. and i secretly admired her all the way till sec4. Things will change .. people will change.,.feelings will change.. but only memories cannot be changed. I have not seen her for abt 6 yrs.. Today met up with her again.. the feeling is not there anymore.. but memories of us together in sec sch still exist in my heart. =)

2004-07-18T16:58:00.000+08:00

the new JE library is very stylooooo.... went with YR yest. to cc look look. . erm... a very nice place to be in... how i wish i can work there..

find most of the irc ppl suxxx... juz dun know why... very superficial... very not sincere.. very sianzz... i think i sux too.. hahaha.. bcos i'm also one of the irc ppl wat.. =\
they are definitely not the type that can go thru thick and thins with u.. juz play play attitude.. then i also play along with them ba.. realised that somethings dun have to be too serious.. too serious will only end up getting myself hurt. =X

2004-07-12T23:03:00.000+08:00

Y am i getting more and more broke... i got work but y no pay one.. $$$$$$$$$$$$ everything needs $$$$$$$$... y muz $$$ exist in this world since its the root to all evil.. ??!! If there is no $$ , there won't be poor and rich.. there won't be crimes involved with $$$.. there won't be people dying out there juz bcos of lack of $$$$...if no need $$ ... we wont have to work! all is the damn $$ fault. aaarrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhh i m broke!!!

2004-07-11T15:32:00.000+08:00

Managed to land myself with a temp job.. worked for a week liao find it not bad.. somemore can see clarke quay/singapore river from the office window..haha its my fav place mah...
trying to look for another weekends part-time job.. haiz no choice.. want to survive in singapore have to work hard. I can see that my roads ahead is gonna be tough filling with obstacles.. watever it is.. i still have to go thru it.. =\ Jia You to myself hahaha

I know she really cares for me alot.. but i know i can't carry on with my mistakes anymore...sorry jeanie.. I have to let u down.. i scared that i will fall too deep for u.. now is not too late to stop.. I muz be hard-hearted this time to leave.. i dun wan her to keep on worrying for me anymore.. she has done TOO much for me.. thank u my angel~

2004-07-04T00:16:00.000+08:00

Went to haw par villa with family today. Got some changes.. rem used to have a lot more things to see.. erm.. they moved some things away..ok lah was quite enjoyable but dun know wat's wrong with me lah.. very restless at the end of the day.. Mummy suggested go chinese garden.. some decorations for the lantern fest. is up.. all mickey mouse lanterns..aiyah! the suay thing is my cam low batt at that moment wah lau there's nobody selling the cam batt loh.. sianz.. never get to take the mickey mouse(s) in the end.. if not dun have to spend $$ buy tickets go in as next mon then sell tickets.. ....

2004-06-28T01:31:00.000+08:00

yeah..finally created the online photo album..those photos were taken at esplanade area..sg river..with FF. My digital cam finally put into good use liao..

haiz time really flies.. FF is going back to aust tmr =( feel that her stay is really too short. I dun plan to go airport to see her off initially, dun wan to see her go into the departure centre once again, but she requested me to be there. ok loh..got to prepare few packs of tissue paper 1st wahahahaa....

2004-06-24T02:33:00.000+08:00

i like this pic the most.. find it very cooooolzz taken at merlion area.. haha actually my hand shake incidentally which turns out the effect to be like that =P

2004-06-23T00:54:00.000+08:00

Yeah FF dun have to go back this week hehe.. and finally got the lyrics for Corrinne May's fly away. Didn't know that it was a touching story.. makes me reflect on my relationship with my family. I think that i have got my priorities wrong.. family shld be the first in my life.. but i have misplaced them with my studies.. work.. friends.. and other temptations.. What is the most important thing to me in my life? It shld be my family, they are the closest kin to me in this world.

2004-06-21T00:02:00.000+08:00

Definitely enjoyed myself today hehe... went chinese garden with FF.. and take take pictures.. specially rem the moment when we were in kfc, she talked abt something that made both of us laughed so heartily.. seeing her laughing so happily, it makes me feel happy too.. coz she was worried abt her stay in sg.. something cropped up with her registration for next sem's subjects.. she might need to go back to aust earlier.. hopefully she dun have to go back this week.. so far only get to meet up with her 2 times..
well life still sux for me.. but not bad lah at least got 1 memorable day to rem tonite..

2004-06-15T14:37:00.000+08:00

Her name is almost everywhere.. :( on the bus, @sentosa, @gift shops.. is this purely coincidence or meant to be? y can't i seem to get rid of her.. its been almost a year.. i can't deny that i m still waiting for her even thot i know it's never gonna have a conclusion. I m giving her all the time, all the freedom that she wants.. simply bcos~
AM: I love you too much to make you stay

2004-06-14T00:42:00.000+08:00

FF is back!!!!! finally~~~ miss her very much...but YR is working already cannot meet up often..

2004-06-13T15:23:00.000+08:00

find this cat real cute~

2004-06-07T00:14:00.000+08:00

He is right.. as if got a slap on my face.. he say until me so "wu di zi rong" feeling so ashamed of myself..I shld be working and saving $$ for the future.. i shldn't be spending $$ anymore..ok OK! Let me off give me a break can! :[

The sentosa stay was not as fun as i have expected it to be. i guess bcos its family chalet.. alot of restrictions.. sianzz.. and worst of all.. my digital cam did not perform well it sux! the "good" news is.. i accidentally deleted ALL the images taken at sentosa wahahahahahahaa feel like knocking myself against the wall *bang bang* aaarrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhh i wan to die ah.... dun stop me

2004-06-02T22:20:00.000+08:00

Went thru an interview at mediacorp yest. 3 interviewers :S I was extremely nervous.. kept on contradicting myself thruout the interview haizz can sense that its not gonna make it liao.. but still happy that i'm given the chance to be interviewed by mediacorp.

Fall in love with reading photography magazines.. was alone in ps and popped into the Times bookshop to look at the photo. magazines. Nice to see but expensive to buy.. mostly were ard $10+ =[ Photography is indeed an expensive hobby to have.

2004-05-29T23:15:00.000+08:00

finally got the digital cam i have been dreaming of today!! haha.. not of any particular brand as long as its a digital cam can already.. and most importantly muz be CHEAP! Bought this one at the creative warehse sale.. less than $200 is it considered cheap? I dun really know but so far as i have seen outside mostly are over $200+++.. mine can be digital cam, video recorder as well as webcam. I am very happy with so many functions already keke..

2004-05-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

I dun know shld i laugh or shld i cry now.. very sianz(x infinity) of her action already.. is this the way to settle things? How old is she already... y is she still so childish.. somemore as a buddhist.. haha.. was surprised of myself the way i acted so calm juz now.. I was not at all afraid when she took out the knife.. getting numb i guess.. my EQ muz be damn high at tat moment.. i was not in a good state anyway.. so its a miracle tat i can be so calm at tat moment..

Taking out knifes juz as when she likes.. in front of "guan yin" somemore. wah liaw.. i wonder why she goes to temple anyway.. and her scolding was... terrible.. she really needs counselling.. I dun know how long can i hold on.. till the day i totally give up. Tats the end of me.

I think i dun know her anymore.. she seems like a stranger to me.. this makes me more wanting to go tw.. really yearn to leave this f*** place. Guess its a blessing tat i dun have a gf.. she wld be scared to death if she knows my family background to be like tat. I guess i cant fall in love with anyone at all..

Missed those days alot.. when we were still in old hse.. where she used to bring me to see movies when i was young.. we were happy back then..

Mummy i really do love you.. i really dun mean to hurt you or made u angry.. i really dun understand why have we become like this.. if i have a choice, i choose not to grow up.. so tat i can stay by ur side. Heard from somewhere tat "the person we care most is the person we hurt most.."

2004-05-27T00:59:00.000+08:00

went to school to pay sch fees today as well as met up with my friend. See her like kind of stress over her examz.. haiz can't of any help but to give her my moral support. Really enjoyed talking to her everytime.. never fails to light up my day. =]

Aft tat, went to meet my cgl and her cg members for movie. Her bf was there also loh.. actually regretted aft confirming with her.. last min thot of her bf might be present too.. damn true enough.. win liao lo.. damn embrassing for me.. quite dislike her bf find him abit strange. well, as long as she is "xing fu" then i shld be happy for her right... guess i shall be out of the picture real soon and back to square one again. I don't belong there in the 1st place..

Btw the movie we watched was shrek 2.. althot i didn't watch shrek 1 but find it damn funny... very nice MUZ WATCH! didn't expect it to be like tat... so overall not bad lah.. at least i enjoyed the movie..

2004-05-25T22:35:00.000+08:00

Its a miracle!! Haha i actually helped my mum in preparing dinner today.. well made her rather upset the last few days.. so got to do something to please her.. =P

Doesn't seem as easy as i thot.. the road to pursue my dreams. Correct loh, if dreams are so easy to realise then its not called dreams anymore. All i can see in front of me now are obstacles and obstacles, problems and problems.. kenna lecture by my close friend bcos of this matter.. is it wrong to pursue my goals? I know she means well for me, but did she consider my feelings? She only expected me to do wat she thinks is right, have she ever thot of is tat wat i really wanted. I dun know wat shld i do now tat is right

2004-05-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

Today is the last episode of "Sonic Youth", was greatly inspired by this drama. Its not only about those idol shows showing the idols in r/s or bo liao story lines. In the end, the whole drama is focusing only on idols. "Sonic Youth" is more on showing youngsters finding goals in their life and gradually becoming more mature, a profound and meaningful drama.

Of cos, had the same feeling as the characters as i watched the show. Yearning to find own goals in life and hope to achieve smething. Lan lan said something in the show that leaves a deep impact in my mind. She said she is like a silkworm baby all this while, keeps on eating leaves. But there is a clock reminding her that she muz leave the cocoon when the time is up. Now is the time for her to leave her cocoon. I have the same sentiments as her too. I muz get out of my cocoon! I can't stay in my cocoon forever. I m so left behind, I have to catch up with my friends.

I have decided to apply for the TW scholarship. I can't afford to waste anymore time. My greatest weakness is not being Focused + Determined enough hopefully I can overcome tat.

2004-05-21T22:08:00.000+08:00

Yes. I have got back my freedom. So?? Then?? Other than freedom, i also got emptiness in return. The problem is still there, i still have to face it no matter wat. Find myself totally SUX in every aspects of life.

Fall in love with David Tao's Angel.. almost listening to it every nite. Where is my angel?? =(
Yue liang dai biao shui de xin also not bad.. basically i like david tao's every song hahaha
[Angel Angel 请你留在我的身边
Angel Angel 请你不要放开我的手]

2004-05-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

went out on my own today.. see couples almost everywhere... no BIG deal man... i m fine on my own =| still trying to figure out wat shld i do with my life man =(

2004-05-16T01:27:00.000+08:00

Attended her church service today.. quite ok... but me not ok.. i realised tat i can't keep on relying on others.. i need to know wat i really wanted for the future.. i dun wan to wait till when i'm 30 yrs old then regret tat i didn't do anything when i was younger.. how? i dun know.... i have wasted 3 yrs, how many more 3 yrs to waste?

2004-05-12T22:56:00.000+08:00

been thinking alot... dun really have an exact soln yet.. haizz.. can she stop being so nice to me? So afraid that i will fall in love with her once again.. she is the one that knows me best and will always concern for me =..( and me.. always having problems... i know she only treats me as her cg member althot i'm not already.. and she will always be my cgl in my heart.. nobody can replace her ok?? She is too good... too good for me...

2004-05-12T00:48:00.000+08:00

Wat's wrong with me man... escaping from reality... didn't go W again today.. really regretted to accept it..arrgghhh..... SUX....