I am bored.
I am dumb.
I am numb.
I am lonely.
I am ugly.
I am sickening.
I am sad.
I am crying.
I am crazy.
I am falling apart.
I am heartless.
I got nothing else to blog but to write nonsense.


fallen blogged on 11/30/2004 10:35:00 PM

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Dun know why... I felt so hurt. Its juz a comment....but i seem to take it to heart. Is it true? She says that I'm not outstanding enough.. and dun have glib tongue. I think so too.... juz that i never realise it myself... but these words said out from her.... really hurts me i juz dun know why. No wonder.... no wonder... carol refuse to meet me no matter how many times i have tried dating her out. Other online friends not known for long can juz ask her out easily... whereas i have known her for 1 years time.. i never ever gone out with her before. Carol.... u didn't realise that u r hurting me also do you? Juz that i refuse to say it out. No matter what i do, no matter wat i say, its all not enough... never ever enough. Simply bcos i m NOT OUTSTANDING enough ! You dun see any point in meeting such an ugly person.. do you? I am crying.... as well as angry.
This is ME. I m NOT OUTSTANDING ... SO? Take it or leave it. I won't change anything for anyone. If you can't accept the way i am, juz get the hell away. F***

If you love me, pls stay. If you don't, pls get lost.


fallen blogged on 11/26/2004 11:45:00 AM

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I believe that everyone has sense of telepathy with another person. Will she sense that I needed her right now?



fallen blogged on 11/25/2004 11:25:00 AM

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erm...... wat shall i say? suddenly very lost for words.... these few days realised some things. I know alot of ppl... they are my friends... I considered them to be my friends i mean... but out of these "friends", I can't find any one of them who is really true and can understand me. or is it that I dun understand them? I dun know... i really really wonder wat am i doing here.... as if an alien from mars being place on earth. Juz bcos of one wrong step, I couldn't turn back anymore. Never knew that understanding is so important to me now. All i need now is understanding.

If there's someone who can understand, one is enough.


fallen blogged on 11/24/2004 10:46:00 AM

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sIck again. x( wat the..... haiz.... this time is *cough cough cough* Being forced to go see doctor lol.... slAck again at work... anyway being there for nearly 5 mths already.. all of them left one by one.. i'm the only survival there! hahaha.. i think this job is quite good but too bad its not perm job.

aiyo... y got so many gers wear white vest recently... dun copy my MS leh... making me so paraniod thinking tat its her. lol. Another wkend... guess shld be spending it at home resting... no date also.





fallen blogged on 11/19/2004 10:57:00 PM

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Mon already... so fast.....anyway went out with kris to study at BK. Then walked ard and catched a movie at LIdo [The Forgotten]. Really feel very pai seh.... as i juz cut my hair few days ago, I look even more like a guy. I wanted to go to the toilet in BK, a gal walked in front of me going also. She didn't notice me at first and she went into the toilet, I followed right behind in. Then as she was abt to close the cubicle door, she saw me walking into the toilet and she stoned there @_@ LOLx. I ignored her and went to the 2nd cubicle and closed the door. Then erm.... I dun think she got do her business lo bcos I heard her washing her hand and went out immediately aft i closed the door. T_T ooohhhhh.... so pai seh.... i scared her off..... =(

Walking among the crowds along orchard, mixed feelings. The feeling of being lonely is worst in the crowds compared to being alone. I am devastated. But what can I do? There's nothing I can do abt it. All I can do is to sit here and see the time drained away each day.


fallen blogged on 11/15/2004 10:43:00 PM

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Its a cloudy weather as i was blogging nw. I kind of like this kind of weather too. Imagine sitting with someone u like in a cafe or smething having a nice cup of tea and watch the drizzling rain. We could juz chat the whole afternoon away. Erm.... but can't seem to find tat someone =(

I can't find her.... I'm getting despo. I starting to wonder did that day ever happened before, or is it juz another fancy dream of mine? where are you?

Maroon 5
"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye


fallen blogged on 11/13/2004 03:18:00 PM

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Its Holiday today! LOLx not bad la.. slept till 11+ then wake up watch tv... slack slack abit then go to my friend's chalet. Not very enjoyable wor.... mostly couples there.... then i go there like very EXTRA... SIANZ! tmr fri got work =(

When is my turn to get att.. dude? I don't really want to stay single forever leh..... but as i read the blog below... i know that there's nothing I can do and nothing I shld do. Seems like love doesn't want to choose me. >_<

I may look like a flirt, likes to see pretty gers everytime. But my heart is always with the one I really love. I will love her wholeheartedly if she is willing to love me too.

MS: I am missing you, where are you? There's nothing I can do, except to wait. Wait for the day where love finally decided to choose me and I will get to see you again.




fallen blogged on 11/12/2004 01:15:00 AM

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The Mysterious thing called "LOVE"....

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.


fallen blogged on 11/11/2004 11:58:00 PM

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Is it a coincidental weekend? Saw one friend which i dun wish to see on fri. Then, saw one guy friend which i dun wish to see also on sat. THEN, met two friends at bus interchange today. NOT finish yet, saw one sec sch friend juz now on my way home. ........................................
WHY the person that i wan to see most never appear, the people that i dun wish to see kept on appearing in front of me. -.-" And VERY coincidental somemore, shld i say we are very FATED or wat. [cold laughz]

I am gonna move out! I am gonna get out of this house, not home. ITs not a home to me, more like juz four walls. Had enough of you.


fallen blogged on 11/07/2004 10:59:00 PM

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Home is a tiring place to me. Rather spent my time at work or outside. Conflicts have occurred between us more and more each day. Maybe its time for me to move out. How i wish I am financially independent now. I don't understand why I have to face this way, with nothing.

I am losing myself.
I have fallen apart.
Don't come and find me.
You won't be able to.
For I have went to a faraway place.
To find myself.



fallen blogged on 11/06/2004 01:16:00 PM

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